The Internet and the Information Superhighway are here, and no segment of life is unaffected.  Aftercare is no exception.

Grief Recovery On-Line (GROWW) is an Internet Web Site open 24 hours a day, every day, for anyone who has lost a loved one to death.  Thousands of visitors find the site simply by typing in "grief," "death" or "widow" on an Internet search engine such as Yahoo, Excite or Lycos.  They can also find the site directly by typing www.GROWW.com.  Either way, visitors find a place of solace, comfort and companionship when they need it - unscheduled and at no charge. 

The seeds of GROWW were planted in the chat rooms of America Online (AOL).  In January 1995, Judy Divers, a Florida widow, paid a chance visit to an AOL chat room two years after she lost her husband.  Her visit ignited a passion and a purpose that still pervades GROWW today.  By October 1995, Judy was the Room Manager of the "Widow and Widowers" chat room, supervising 52 "hosts" in 15 different chat rooms related to death and dying.  It soon became apparent, however, that the commercial environment of AOL could not do justice to such a sensitive subject area.  In addition, America Online was only available to AOL Members. 

Thus, GROWW was launched as a company in 1997, the Web Site in September 1997, and the chat rooms in January 1998.  today, more than 80 volunteers host more than 24 chat rooms and monitor 20 message boards.  Message boards and chat rooms are separated into categories such as "Widowed," "Loss of Child," "Sibling Loss," "Loss Due to Drunken Driving," "Unexpected Death," "Long-Term Illness," and others.

Special after-death issues such as "Parenting Teens Alone" and "Tender Angels" (young widows) are available, as are myriad links and information resources to help the bereaved.  Links to the IRS, Social Security and other helpful areas are readily available too.  GROWW also provides a Memorial Wall for commemoration, a special-dates page and links to personal memorial sites.

Message boards are available for people to share experiences and questions with others or simply to vent.  Answers to messages are posted and commented upon, and email addresses are posted for private correspondence.  GROWW's "Email to Heaven" is a wonderful feature to write forgotten or unspoken wishes and thoughts such as, "Dad, are there ballparks in heaven?" or "Did you meet God yet?".

Chat rooms are open all day and night to share hope and strength.  It is common for the rooms to include people from Taiwan, Iceland, Australia and elsewhere, along with American and Canadian mourners, all sharing their experiences and commiserating with one another. 

Unlike commercial chat rooms, GROWW enjoys the flexibility to expel or ban visitors who are disruptive or have dishonest intentions.  GROWW hosts sign a "Promise" agreement and are trained to facilitate discussion and to promote GROWW guidelines.  GROWW members and hosts are not professionals and do not profess such expertise.  Instead, the GROWW mission is to offer solace by facilitating the sharing of hope, strength and experience. 

The Internet as a complement to aftercare has many wonderful benefits. Consider the widow who, at 3 a.m., is lost, scared and alone, the "virile" male unable to emote because of the "rules" of society, or the child or teenager with no peer in the household.  Consider the shy, the housebound, the deaf, and the countless others unable to share their feelings with others. 

Occasionally, even family ties can be an obstacle.  While family and friends can be enormously helpful at this time, they can also be a source of stress.   Sometimes the ability and desire to support others (and they, in turn, you) can hamper an individuals need to be alone with their own grief.  As important as it is for family and friends to grieve together, personal grieving time is a significant factor in healing.  In other words, sometimes "aloneness" is important too.  GROWW has facilities and separate rooms for the entire family.

One of GROWWs latest projects concerns siblings of children with life-threatening illnesses.  In a joint effort with "Give Kids The World," GROWW addresses the needs of these siblings by providing special chat rooms where they can discuss issues and share feelings with kids in similar circumstances.  The "Hey! What About Me?" program is made available to any organization, such as wish foundations and hospices, that serve these tragic situations. 

A recent visit by an Association of Death Education & Counseling board member evoked the comment that the GROWW site is "mourning friendly."  An extended visit to the site's message-boards and guest book suggests that the site is more than just friendly - it can be life saving. 

The Internet can be a powerful partner with funeral directors.  Although not every family is on the Web, it will soon be as commonplace is households as the telephone or television - another tool to stay in touch with the world.  you can make GROWW one of your aftercare resources simply by making your families aware of the resources available on the site. 
 
 

In order to continue its presence and to expand as its audience increases, GROWW must fund it operation.  Therefore, GROWW, a 501(c)(3) non-profit, created a special Web Site separate from it's primary site in order to keep the GROWW site commercial-free.  "Membership to the GROWW Web site doesn't cost money," said James B. Hyatt in the February 1999 Issue of Nonprofits & Technology, "but the site's volunteers and visitors have already paid a price beyond measure." The fund-raising site HelpGROWW is located at www.HelpGROWW.com.  In addition to providing a donation and "mall" area, this site also includes a GROWW sponsor page for organizations and individuals that help support the GROWW effort.  A special WeCare GROWW emblem can be place on a sponsor's Web site.  Help GROWW also contains a page to order brochures and handouts for funeral homes, hospices and other professionals dealing with death and dying.

     Jim Kennedy is director of marketing and strategic planning for GROWW.  Widowed after 33 years of marriage to his wife, Liz, in January 1996, Kennedy abandoned his 12-year-old computer company and struggled with his grief.  In October of that year, he "wandered" into a chat room for "Widows and Widowers" and the effect was cathartic.  Kennedy has since been involved with the GROWW project and takes enormous satisfaction with this new endeavor. 

Originally printed in The Director - Official Publication of the National Funeral Directors Association (Vol. LXXI #4). 
Used with permission of the author. 

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