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Dog Sport Humor

Obedience | Conformation | Other Sports | Working Dogs

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Obedience Humor

Obedience Quiz

If Only

Alternate Dog Titles
 

Obedience Dachshund

The Obedience Ring and Satan

Why Doggy Can't Heel

The Trained Professor
Shaping a Behavior

 

Interesting Ways Dogs Non-Qualify At Trials
Got a funny NQ story? Contributions are welcome!

Obedience Blunders

A Dog's Eye View of Obedience Class

(F)Utilty Prayer

Obedience Excuses from the Dog

Excuses from the Trainer 

U-CDX, U-CD Karen's Solemn Cisco, CDX
 


Conformation Humor

Lament Of A Lady Who's Gone To The Dogs

We're Not Gonna Go!

First Time At A Dog Show

Dog Terms Explained

Dog Show Terminology

Exhibitor Standard

Judge's Standard

A Dog Breeder's Husband

Standard for Breeder/Owner/Handler

Heavenly Dog Show

What I Have Learned Showing Dogs

Revised AKC Rules
 

Archeology Monthly

Groomer Giggles
(scroll down a bit and see sidebar on left for humor index)

Groomer Humor 

The intimate confessions of an ex-dog groom(er)

Show Dogs Vs Pet Dogs

What Dog Ads Really Mean

Judge Charged

Unwritten Rules of Dog Showing

Rules for Dog Shows

Dog Excuses For Losing The Dog Show

Winner's Bitch seeks Best of Opposite Sex 

A New Disease

Death at the Dog Show

Dog Fancier's Guide to Shakespeare

Yes I am a Show dog

You Know You've Gone to the Dogs When...
 

 


Other Dog Sports

Schutzhund Humor

Top 10 Reasons to do Agility

Agility Dictionary

 


The Trials of Agility Barbie

Barby Does Dog Sports


Working Dogs

Livestock Guardian Dog Stories 

Working Dog Humor 

Security Dog Humor
 

International Association of Assistance Dog Partners

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 Last updated 1/20/08



The (F)Utility Prayer
Sent to this Webmaster by Jody
~~~~
Pia, Jesu, signalus do-us
Dona, eis, requiem

BONK

Pia, Jesu, Articlus Snifus
Dona, eis, requiem

BONK

Pia, Jesu, Glovus two-us
Dona, eis, requiem

BONK

Pia, Jesu, Standus, stillus
Dona, eis, requiem

BONK

Pia, Jesu, Go-us out-us
Dona, eis, requiem

BONK

Pia, Jesu, Jump-us rightus-twiceus
Dona, eis, requiem

BONK

Which roughly translated means:

Please God, let my dog do his signals, articles, gloves, moving stand  and go-outs WITH the right jumps - one exercise after the other, ALL on the same day, in the same ring, at the same time, with the same judge so I gettest the coveted "leg". Or you can sing my requiem mass as I die

BONK =3D my head hitting the floor as I collapse in frustration.

This is the sacred prayer of the utility proselyte.  Sayest it with passion and ferver and your dog MIGHT do one or two of these exercises without making a complete fool of you.  Make burnt offerings  of large amounts of $$$$$$$$$ to the dog show gods and thy dog mayest actually do  four of these, only to dash thy budding faith upon sharp, craggy rocks as he takes the wrong jump on the last go out.

Abstain from all manner of pleasure, ditch thy social life, lettest thy house become as a pig stye, workest thy dog 12 hours a day in every parking lot in Kentucky, doing all manner of strange, and mystical "proofing" exercises, and if the planets properly align, and you happen to be under the right star sign, thy dog just might do all these exercises. But that is only a maybe.

If you want high scores too, then I"ll have to bring out the special incantation that will turn the judge into a blind, drooling, driveling idiot.  That costs extra BTW.

And if you think THIS is bad, wait until you start looking for UDX legs!!!!!!!!!



 

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