Dog Sport Humor
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The (F)Utility Prayer
Pia, Jesu, Articlus Snifus
Pia, Jesu, Glovus two-us
Pia, Jesu, Standus, stillus
Pia, Jesu, Go-us out-us
Pia, Jesu, Jump-us rightus-twiceus
Which roughly translated means:
Please God, let my dog do his signals, articles, gloves, moving stand and go-outs WITH the right jumps - one exercise after the other, ALL on the same day, in the same ring, at the same time, with the same judge so I gettest the coveted "leg". Or you can sing my requiem mass as I die
BONK =3D my head hitting the floor as I collapse in frustration.
This is the sacred prayer of the utility proselyte. Sayest it with passion and ferver and your dog MIGHT do one or two of these exercises without making a complete fool of you. Make burnt offerings of large amounts of $$$$$$$$$ to the dog show gods and thy dog mayest actually do four of these, only to dash thy budding faith upon sharp, craggy rocks as he takes the wrong jump on the last go out.
Abstain from all manner of pleasure, ditch thy social life, lettest thy house become as a pig stye, workest thy dog 12 hours a day in every parking lot in Kentucky, doing all manner of strange, and mystical "proofing" exercises, and if the planets properly align, and you happen to be under the right star sign, thy dog just might do all these exercises. But that is only a maybe.
If you want high scores too, then I"ll have to bring out the special incantation that will turn the judge into a blind, drooling, driveling idiot. That costs extra BTW.
And if you think THIS is bad, wait until
you start looking for UDX legs!!!!!!!!!